I often wonder sometimes how life can be so ironic. People asks you questions that seems to be answerable for us and yet, we ourselves are bounded by our very own issues we often need an answer from someone.
I was asked by a friend earlier through a text message if ever “She should fight for him? Or let go?” and my answer was quite surprising even to me.
I told her that “it will still be your choice… fighting for someone may not mean winning it but at least trying to do d most makes it worthwhile.” Not later than 20 seconds that I received quite a favorable thanks for the enlightenment that I found myself questioning the same things over.
I often wonder whether to get back to that special someone whom I lost track with because of so many things in my life. Couldn’t resist the feeling of being afraid to be in a relationship – afraid of the commitment and the fears of finding the right person.
Upon seeing many things in perspective, I am in a way perplexed with my own stand about love and relationships yet feel adequate to answer a few questions by those that are younger than me. I often wonder how many of us guys really does have the courage to stand for the one we love and speak of the things we desire for the future. How in many things, women who has this desire to meet the prince charming in any novels and fairy tales can be counted few to the modern reality of life.
Crazy as this may sound, finding a relationship right now is not in my list maybe, just maybe, because of fear -not of being rejected, but of the future as well.
I always wonder how I would look like if I become one of those “emo” guys on the street. Long sided hair, dark-lined eyes, lipsticks? (black?) How about wearing those hood jackets with stripes all over? Or perhaps wearing those tight levi’s jeans and chuck taylor boots? (I’m wondering If I look good on that though…)
A lot has been going on that You can’t expect me to become too emotional – to the extent of looking like one!
But honestly speaking, I hate people who are careless of other people’s feeling. If I could sum up everything that happened this past few days, it’s this – UNFAIR.
UNFAIR because People speaks first, BEFORE THINKING it through.
UNFAIR because PEOPLE HATES YOU for being HONEST.
UNFAIR because THEY DON’T WANT YOU to be FRIENDS.
UNFAIR because YOU CAN’T GET WHAT YOU WANT.
UNFAIR because LIFE IS NOT FAIR!
Can life be really unfair? Or is it just how we perceive things that makes it look unfair?
In all of these, I believe LIFE is unfair, not by CHANCE but by how You and me makes choices that either breaks or makes another person’s life miserable. I’m thinking that being UNFAIR is a man-made choice wherein all of us, in all walks of life chooses to do something not for others, but for what we think is fair for us regardless of what the OUTCOME may be.
But the question really is, in all of the unfairness in life, how do we make life fair not just for us, but for everyone else out there, who thinks the same? Life indeed is a mystery, because even us can’t determine such answer.
I just had lunch with my team mates and it was an interesting humid lunch with lots of chit chat about spirituality and life as a whole. It’s kind of interesting that to many of us, going to church is mundane and not that exciting.
Hhhmmm… It made me think about my own spiritual spirals lately… what made me go lukewarm overtime?
Well, the reality that going to church is a choice and a will to stay long…being there requires more attention and presence of mind. Everytime I listen to the sermons by our pastors allows me to examine my own life, choices and stand in life. To many times, it’s an opportunity to seek the answers to unanswerable queries I have ever since.
But to some extent, doing things that I know of is wrong makes me callouse and hardhearted. It’s seems to be a wall that blocks conscience from doing its ridicule on me. I hate what I’m doing but I seem to enjoy it at times also. But I know time flies fast and the effects of everything that I do comes to a hault and guilt comes rushing in, pushing you to the ground of despair and disclosure.
It may seem unfair to what I’ve been through but knowing these things doesn’t mean I’m not accounted for what my life has been. Although society can pretty much be included in the list of causes for my choices. It still boils to the point that life, no matter how hard and rocky it may seem, it’s my CHOICE that counts, and it’s also my CHOICE to be wayward or to move on straight ahead.
With all these, which makes me think more… How can I get out of this pit I’ve made myself?