Here By Choice

I have this crazy idea of writing a reflection book about my journey and learning through a devotional I want to entitle as “Here By Choice”. It will speak about the lessons in my christian journey, of being melancholic, reflecting on God and what I have encountered so far. This will also speak about who He is, based on the scriptures and what I can understand through my situation.

The Wilderness journey is an encounter we all must take

Hopefully, I get to finish the devotionals in less than 3 months time. It may take longer for me to finish and have some people edit and proofread some of the devotionals. 😉

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Christ Is Our Light

Spending my quiet time to understand darkness and light. Here are a few thoughts:

1.) A small light can illuminate the darkest place on earth. It symbolizes hope in our desperation, a glimmer of hope makes us jump in enthusiasm that something BETTER IS IN STORE.

2.) Light can overcome the darkness but not the other way around. Christ is symbolized as the light of the world. And because He is the light, darkness will submit to his power and authority.

3.) The break of dawn symbolizes a new day to ponder, to fight for, to live and enjoy. Hope is renewed, it rejuvenates and it allows us to give our best for the day once again.

Mark today as a new day filled with hope and positivity. It may be challenging to venture out but like darkness, it will not last.

If we are to change “light” with Christ’s name on it. It simply says that “Christ shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome Him.”

The Process Of Restoration

Isaiah 61:7 “Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land, they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.”

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I’ve been meeting with my mentors for the past weekends since January as part of the process of restoration. During these opportunities, I get to see them not as pastors but as parents. It was a season of renewing, one on one mentoring and having to sit down and listen to both of them.

If you are not aware of what happened, please click here to know why I am on disciplinary action. I still believe that confessing it in public was the most powerful experience I have been in to but meeting with both of them every weekend makes it more appealing, relating their love for me as a son. In the past few weeks, I haven’t heard anything bad about me, never ridiculed my wrongdoings or even condemned me for my past sins. It was more of a time of good food and a whole lot of time of loving!

For the last 6 weeks, here’s what I have done alone or together with them:

  1. I’ve spent almost every Saturday and Sunday with them, either by eating with them or doing activities at their home, mostly resting and eating snacks or lunch together, sometimes watching tv and a couple of hours of sincere talks about spiritual things, releasing of emotional baggages and the testimony of a love that conquers all (their love story!).
  2. A drive going to Bais with Uncle Lem, talking about life decisions, protecting myself from the cares of the world and encouraging me that there have been changes they have noticed on how I am, even when I am not talking. The importance of accountability and people who will protect and cover for me in prayer and encouragement.
  3. The opportunity to pray with both of them, listen to them and humbly submitting to their authority. To be covered in prayer, the laying of hands and the hugs (almost all the time) from them makes it real to me that they love me, even in the past that I have, they do love me.
  4. The blessing of having to eat with them during meal time. Auntie Tessie being my spiritual mom, will let me sit and wait for the food to be prepared. To eat what Uncle Lem and she will have is one of the best experience in this season.
  5. Praying, meditating, reading articles about redemption, restoration and renewal of the covenant with the Lord in my room.
  6. Writing blogs and tweets that reflects my experiences, lessons I am learning and even the struggles I’ve encountered so far.
  7. Listening to sermons about purity, one on one talk with Uncle Lemuel and with my personal quiet time with the Lord.
  8. Personal daily worship with the Lord, praying daily and journaling my thoughts.
  9. The changes in how I worship in the congregation, I no longer care how others may look or think of me except on how God sees me as I am.
  10. A time spent with my spiritual sisters and brothers ( Yhem and Micah, Kuya Dan and Christian, Viz and Lutzine) and how they have received my imperfections, my struggles and the encouragement to pursue godliness and purity.

Lastly, when Auntie Tessie spoke these very words last night “You are now restored fully in the ministry God has placed you…”. I answered back with “Yes, I am restored from the time we talked up to tonight…” She interrupted me this time by saying  “No, you are now fully restored in the ministry and in the leadership God has placed you.”

I was jumping for joy not because I can do the stuff I’ve been doing but because in their eyes, I have fully accomplished what I needed to learn in this season. In this season, God was relentless in making sure I am restored in the fullness of who I am in Christ Jesus.

Why do I need to share these things here? You probably needed to hear from someone who came from the pit of sin and how God helped me in the season I am in. I believe that restoration is a process of fine-tuning, and it will hurt you, break you, kill your selfish desires and even rebuke you. But there is also another side of the process wherein love is shown in simple ways, kindness, and grace bestowed in the small ways and in all of these, restoration and forgiveness.

Does it mean I can do whatever I want to do from this point forward? No, it will not work that way. I will continue to spend time with Uncle Lem and Auntie Tessie, not as part of the process but because I want to spend my days with them – to support, protect and minister with them. I also have a lot of people covering me, protecting me, checking on me and help me along the way. Freedom in Christ is not a one time experience, it is a process that we need to go through in a season.

What do I do now? I want to serve the church, the best way I can, with the very same words of Isaiah I am now receiving the double portion, a lot where I can grow and minister and the joy of the Lord to be my strength to pursue destiny. I want to use all of my experiences, lessons I have learned and God’s power of restoration to minister to the broken, the prodigals and the self-righteous like me.

I hope you are blessed with what I have shared and please do comment and share this post!

Just Sharing this…

sometimes we dare speak a word and yet no one listens. we shout and yet, it seems like we are bareley even heared by the person next to us. we dare to stand for anything and our strifes are all but vain.

what has life got to give that we could share? not just share but for people to listen…? we often heared stories- both tearsome and fun, torment and adventure…but what is inside these stories that let our life shudders? or perhaps even dare to hope for?

this is my blog. and i will try to make the most of this life. looking and giving reasons for the things that life may lead or take me.

my reasons might be foolish, others too spiritual and even mundane. but that’s life. it gives me color, not just shades of black and white.

come and join me…

i may write these words…but i can never shout this out. 🙂