When Melancholy Hits You Hard

You probably think that I’ve been neglecting this blog for quite some time but that’s not the case, or probably the entire scenario…

All of us sometimes needs space to reflect, look back and tries to clear things out. For whatever reasons, it can and helpfully get us back on track.

Since this is a blog about being melancholic, I’ll start by posting what I placed in my instagram account awhile ago. Here it goes:

I woke up with a very heavy feeling today. And yet, my mind wants to remind me that even King David encouraged himself in times of his own despair.

In 1 Samuel 30:6 the author shared “And David was greatly distressed…but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” Life as we know it will always have its ups and downs. We look at it differently and sometimes jokingly. But in the end, it is up to us whether we want to stay where we are or we rise above the situation, continue to pursue the things we love, leave behind the things we fear or start back to step zero.

But it all starts and ends with God.

This is a long post but believe me, I’ll be back to post more #melancholic #musings because #melancholicmode is on and #reflections would jump up here and there.

So,there it is. After trying to overcome the sad melancholic mode for about 6 months, it hit me hard on my birthday that I’ll be forever be “melancholic” and a few days after, got rebuked that when life hits you hard – I don’t need to roll down with it, I need to rise-up, believe in the good things in life, encourage myself and get my act together because I am not yet done.

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The Process Of Restoration

Isaiah 61:7 “Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land, they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.”

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I’ve been meeting with my mentors for the past weekends since January as part of the process of restoration. During these opportunities, I get to see them not as pastors but as parents. It was a season of renewing, one on one mentoring and having to sit down and listen to both of them.

If you are not aware of what happened, please click here to know why I am on disciplinary action. I still believe that confessing it in public was the most powerful experience I have been in to but meeting with both of them every weekend makes it more appealing, relating their love for me as a son. In the past few weeks, I haven’t heard anything bad about me, never ridiculed my wrongdoings or even condemned me for my past sins. It was more of a time of good food and a whole lot of time of loving!

For the last 6 weeks, here’s what I have done alone or together with them:

  1. I’ve spent almost every Saturday and Sunday with them, either by eating with them or doing activities at their home, mostly resting and eating snacks or lunch together, sometimes watching tv and a couple of hours of sincere talks about spiritual things, releasing of emotional baggages and the testimony of a love that conquers all (their love story!).
  2. A drive going to Bais with Uncle Lem, talking about life decisions, protecting myself from the cares of the world and encouraging me that there have been changes they have noticed on how I am, even when I am not talking. The importance of accountability and people who will protect and cover for me in prayer and encouragement.
  3. The opportunity to pray with both of them, listen to them and humbly submitting to their authority. To be covered in prayer, the laying of hands and the hugs (almost all the time) from them makes it real to me that they love me, even in the past that I have, they do love me.
  4. The blessing of having to eat with them during meal time. Auntie Tessie being my spiritual mom, will let me sit and wait for the food to be prepared. To eat what Uncle Lem and she will have is one of the best experience in this season.
  5. Praying, meditating, reading articles about redemption, restoration and renewal of the covenant with the Lord in my room.
  6. Writing blogs and tweets that reflects my experiences, lessons I am learning and even the struggles I’ve encountered so far.
  7. Listening to sermons about purity, one on one talk with Uncle Lemuel and with my personal quiet time with the Lord.
  8. Personal daily worship with the Lord, praying daily and journaling my thoughts.
  9. The changes in how I worship in the congregation, I no longer care how others may look or think of me except on how God sees me as I am.
  10. A time spent with my spiritual sisters and brothers ( Yhem and Micah, Kuya Dan and Christian, Viz and Lutzine) and how they have received my imperfections, my struggles and the encouragement to pursue godliness and purity.

Lastly, when Auntie Tessie spoke these very words last night “You are now restored fully in the ministry God has placed you…”. I answered back with “Yes, I am restored from the time we talked up to tonight…” She interrupted me this time by saying  “No, you are now fully restored in the ministry and in the leadership God has placed you.”

I was jumping for joy not because I can do the stuff I’ve been doing but because in their eyes, I have fully accomplished what I needed to learn in this season. In this season, God was relentless in making sure I am restored in the fullness of who I am in Christ Jesus.

Why do I need to share these things here? You probably needed to hear from someone who came from the pit of sin and how God helped me in the season I am in. I believe that restoration is a process of fine-tuning, and it will hurt you, break you, kill your selfish desires and even rebuke you. But there is also another side of the process wherein love is shown in simple ways, kindness, and grace bestowed in the small ways and in all of these, restoration and forgiveness.

Does it mean I can do whatever I want to do from this point forward? No, it will not work that way. I will continue to spend time with Uncle Lem and Auntie Tessie, not as part of the process but because I want to spend my days with them – to support, protect and minister with them. I also have a lot of people covering me, protecting me, checking on me and help me along the way. Freedom in Christ is not a one time experience, it is a process that we need to go through in a season.

What do I do now? I want to serve the church, the best way I can, with the very same words of Isaiah I am now receiving the double portion, a lot where I can grow and minister and the joy of the Lord to be my strength to pursue destiny. I want to use all of my experiences, lessons I have learned and God’s power of restoration to minister to the broken, the prodigals and the self-righteous like me.

I hope you are blessed with what I have shared and please do comment and share this post!

The Dillema of Weights!


I’m getting fatter everyday and I hate it. My dillema is not the necessity to stop eating but the need for excercise to loose the fattenings. (haha…)

So, how do I get to do the thinning cycle when I don’t have the time ( or so, i think!) to excercise and be fit?

With this dillema comes the plan (or hopeful plan…) to get fit and lose weight, and hopefully stay thin for awhile.

The only funny thing I guess is the idea of me wanting to get some meat in me that I started to eat much, eat whatever things to gain weight and look good in it. But I guess, like anyone would say, We don’t get satisfied over it that we tend to have more…and more…and more!

So, when my tummy gets wider and my face gets round, people advises me to lose weight, others would say to stay at that point – dont go over or beyond that scale. ( As if that will happen!)

But with all this, I guess my own problem is that I dont eat the right food, and has a sleaky diet. My co-worker and friend Kathy told me to be careful with the things I eat because I’m always having LBM and I’d say yes, she’s correct. (Ouch!)

Friends, I’ve written this blog to document everything for my goal before the year ends – lose weight and be fit.

From time to time, I’ll be posting something about the things I’m doing to be focus and be adamant in losing weight. So, if anyone’s reading this and thinks I’m bluffing, we’ll see in the last Day of December 2008. Hehehe… I’m up for the challenge!

Rumors and Me…

It has been bothering me for quite some time about some rumors that I heared about me. Although friends told me to let it pass by,I can’t possibly do that.

The reason for my choice is because it is affecting me too personally. I hate it when I’mbeing talked about and not just talk but really being pulled down and degraded for such selfish reasons.

I have to admit that I have no holds if someone speaks bad about me, but wouldn’tbe those guys be considerate enough to take me out on their lists as “hot”topics?

If ever, just assuming,I did something wrong to these people,”I’m sorry…” is what I can offer, nothing more – no apologies,no more explaining and definitely no more bargaining.

Peace Out.

Words from the UNIGAMES…

I had the opportunity to watch the opening of the University Games and it was really good! Although the program is the typical opening ceremony of any games, I got something out of it!

Actually it is because of what the 2 commissioners said that made my ears listen to their talks.

First of is what Akiko Thomson, a former swimmer and currently one of the commissioners present in the opening of the 13th Philippine University Games shared about being an athlete, young and having lots of opportunity as being part of a collegiate sports. I’d say she’s not just beautiful and tall, but a woman full of passion and wisdom when it comes to teenage life. A good quote from her yesterday was ” You should play fairly, in life and in sports because it’s the only honorable thing to do…”

Another Commissioner was present at the opening, Mr. Eric Loretizo, former Visayan Times Sports Editor and currently part of the Philippines Sports Commission shares about the importance of having AIM in life –

Aspire for Excellence
Inspire Others
Motivate Others

Well, I was once a sports enthusiast and I’d say that sports really develops not just the physical in us but the discipline of daily living. It was still the opening ceremony and I’m interested more to see who wins this year for some particular sports I have my eyes on.

Catch you at the UNIGAMES!

The Easy Life

I always want the easier things in life. But I find it impossible to achieve or even pursue. Life, as we all know comes with hardship and pruning. There is no such thing as easy life, for me it’s a mirage of a man who wants to escape responsibility, accountability and dependability. Although the 3 are interconnected, they are in a way, bit different from one character to another.

Responsibility is having the state to be liable to be called on to answer something done in the past or present, good or bad. Our generation nowadays seems to think more on how to escape punishment rather than face them. I guess it’s not the fear of being scolded that drives this but the shame it can bring to our egoistic personality we present to people.

Accountability on the other hand is the state of being capable to being accounted for. It’s the idea that as a grown up individual, our parents can trust us with something they believe we can handle and can get accounted for. I don’t know about the rest, but this is exciting – Parents trusting us rather than always grumbling about us!

Dependability or being reliable is being suitable to rely on. It’s the opportunity to share and speak out our minds and people listen, whether old or young alike. This includes not just knowledge of things, but wisdom coming from our own experiences and how we dealt with any circumstances in our life. It’s being bubbly yet wise with our words.

What’s the use of sharing the 3 things I believe lacks in having an easy life?

Well, it’s because easy living relates to being immature. Period. Immaturity is not the state of being old without knowing anything but it’s the reality that with our age, it seems that we lack responsibility to live for the expectations of our family and love ones, the accountability to accept mistakes and make changes for the better, not just accepting our faults but straightening everything up and lastly, to be reliable or dependable to the words and advise we give because we’ve been there and learned so many things when we grew up.

My challenge for all of us is to live not the easy life but in every day, we face challenges and not escape them! Thanks for reading!