When Melancholy Hits You Hard

You probably think that I’ve been neglecting this blog for quite some time but that’s not the case, or probably the entire scenario…

All of us sometimes needs space to reflect, look back and tries to clear things out. For whatever reasons, it can and helpfully get us back on track.

Since this is a blog about being melancholic, I’ll start by posting what I placed in my instagram account awhile ago. Here it goes:

I woke up with a very heavy feeling today. And yet, my mind wants to remind me that even King David encouraged himself in times of his own despair.

In 1 Samuel 30:6 the author shared “And David was greatly distressed…but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” Life as we know it will always have its ups and downs. We look at it differently and sometimes jokingly. But in the end, it is up to us whether we want to stay where we are or we rise above the situation, continue to pursue the things we love, leave behind the things we fear or start back to step zero.

But it all starts and ends with God.

This is a long post but believe me, I’ll be back to post more #melancholic #musings because #melancholicmode is on and #reflections would jump up here and there.

So,there it is. After trying to overcome the sad melancholic mode for about 6 months, it hit me hard on my birthday that I’ll be forever be “melancholic” and a few days after, got rebuked that when life hits you hard – I don’t need to roll down with it, I need to rise-up, believe in the good things in life, encourage myself and get my act together because I am not yet done.

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The Process Of Restoration

Isaiah 61:7 “Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land, they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.”

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I’ve been meeting with my mentors for the past weekends since January as part of the process of restoration. During these opportunities, I get to see them not as pastors but as parents. It was a season of renewing, one on one mentoring and having to sit down and listen to both of them.

If you are not aware of what happened, please click here to know why I am on disciplinary action. I still believe that confessing it in public was the most powerful experience I have been in to but meeting with both of them every weekend makes it more appealing, relating their love for me as a son. In the past few weeks, I haven’t heard anything bad about me, never ridiculed my wrongdoings or even condemned me for my past sins. It was more of a time of good food and a whole lot of time of loving!

For the last 6 weeks, here’s what I have done alone or together with them:

  1. I’ve spent almost every Saturday and Sunday with them, either by eating with them or doing activities at their home, mostly resting and eating snacks or lunch together, sometimes watching tv and a couple of hours of sincere talks about spiritual things, releasing of emotional baggages and the testimony of a love that conquers all (their love story!).
  2. A drive going to Bais with Uncle Lem, talking about life decisions, protecting myself from the cares of the world and encouraging me that there have been changes they have noticed on how I am, even when I am not talking. The importance of accountability and people who will protect and cover for me in prayer and encouragement.
  3. The opportunity to pray with both of them, listen to them and humbly submitting to their authority. To be covered in prayer, the laying of hands and the hugs (almost all the time) from them makes it real to me that they love me, even in the past that I have, they do love me.
  4. The blessing of having to eat with them during meal time. Auntie Tessie being my spiritual mom, will let me sit and wait for the food to be prepared. To eat what Uncle Lem and she will have is one of the best experience in this season.
  5. Praying, meditating, reading articles about redemption, restoration and renewal of the covenant with the Lord in my room.
  6. Writing blogs and tweets that reflects my experiences, lessons I am learning and even the struggles I’ve encountered so far.
  7. Listening to sermons about purity, one on one talk with Uncle Lemuel and with my personal quiet time with the Lord.
  8. Personal daily worship with the Lord, praying daily and journaling my thoughts.
  9. The changes in how I worship in the congregation, I no longer care how others may look or think of me except on how God sees me as I am.
  10. A time spent with my spiritual sisters and brothers ( Yhem and Micah, Kuya Dan and Christian, Viz and Lutzine) and how they have received my imperfections, my struggles and the encouragement to pursue godliness and purity.

Lastly, when Auntie Tessie spoke these very words last night “You are now restored fully in the ministry God has placed you…”. I answered back with “Yes, I am restored from the time we talked up to tonight…” She interrupted me this time by saying  “No, you are now fully restored in the ministry and in the leadership God has placed you.”

I was jumping for joy not because I can do the stuff I’ve been doing but because in their eyes, I have fully accomplished what I needed to learn in this season. In this season, God was relentless in making sure I am restored in the fullness of who I am in Christ Jesus.

Why do I need to share these things here? You probably needed to hear from someone who came from the pit of sin and how God helped me in the season I am in. I believe that restoration is a process of fine-tuning, and it will hurt you, break you, kill your selfish desires and even rebuke you. But there is also another side of the process wherein love is shown in simple ways, kindness, and grace bestowed in the small ways and in all of these, restoration and forgiveness.

Does it mean I can do whatever I want to do from this point forward? No, it will not work that way. I will continue to spend time with Uncle Lem and Auntie Tessie, not as part of the process but because I want to spend my days with them – to support, protect and minister with them. I also have a lot of people covering me, protecting me, checking on me and help me along the way. Freedom in Christ is not a one time experience, it is a process that we need to go through in a season.

What do I do now? I want to serve the church, the best way I can, with the very same words of Isaiah I am now receiving the double portion, a lot where I can grow and minister and the joy of the Lord to be my strength to pursue destiny. I want to use all of my experiences, lessons I have learned and God’s power of restoration to minister to the broken, the prodigals and the self-righteous like me.

I hope you are blessed with what I have shared and please do comment and share this post!

A Testimony Talk

“The moment we make our mess into a message of hope and the testings our testimony, we celebrate the victory we have in Christ Jesus.”

I had the opportunity to talk last night in a youth group about 1 Corinthians 13. By God’s grace, I hope I was able to present a very good and thorough explaination of what true love is, basing it in the written word of God, the bible.

Amazing things happen when you know God walks through the door and makes you tell your testimony to a group of youngsters.

Perhaps, I’ll share it here one time but for now, be praying to God about it. 😉

New Year’s Resolution?

It’s 2009 and I’m making my first post for this year!

Well, as promised of taking things into consideration all the advises I had last year, I manage to agree in having a haircut before the year started. And I’m not sure if it’s the angle or I really look good with short hair (or long!) Lol!

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And so, I have a few New Year’s Resolution to tango with this year namely;

1. Eat Good and a well balanced diet. I’ll try to keep balance in both since I usually skip some mealtimes because of too much tiredness as well as not having good food to eat during mealtimes as well.

2. Get a life not just a living. A famous book by a Christian author seems to be the best book to buy for this year to start. I think I have been well overtaken by work that I didn’t find enough time to enjoy life and make the most of what I love to do before. 🙂

3. Blog more than ever before. I need to blog more posts than last year mainly because I need to. Wahaha… This is one avenue that I can spill out the toxicity of my brain cells without hurting myself. LOL!

I guess those 3 will do for now. 🙂

Well, New Year starts today and like every other year, we need to understand that God does give second chances.  I had a lot of mishaps last year for sure but I am not sure if ever I wont have this year but as what Ravi Zacharias, one of my new favorite Christian Author – “My Will Matters…” which basically means, everything that might happen or will happen determines on my own choice on how to react and act wisely in these changing times. Happy New Year everyone!!!

EMO and UNFAIR!

I always wonder how I would look like if I become one of those “emo” guys on the street. Long sided hair, dark-lined eyes, lipsticks? (black?) How about wearing those hood jackets with stripes all over? Or perhaps wearing those tight levi’s jeans and chuck taylor boots? (I’m wondering If I look good on that though…)

A lot has been going on that You can’t expect me to become too emotional – to the extent of looking like one!

But honestly speaking, I hate people who are careless of other people’s feeling. If I could sum up everything that happened this past few days, it’s this – UNFAIR.

UNFAIR because People speaks first, BEFORE THINKING it through.

UNFAIR because PEOPLE HATES YOU for being HONEST.

UNFAIR because THEY DON’T WANT YOU to be FRIENDS.

UNFAIR because YOU CAN’T GET WHAT YOU WANT.

UNFAIR because LIFE IS NOT FAIR!

Can life be really unfair? Or is it just how we perceive things that makes it look unfair?

In all of these, I believe LIFE is unfair, not by CHANCE but by how You and me makes choices that either breaks or makes another person’s life miserable. I’m thinking that being UNFAIR is a man-made choice wherein all of us, in all walks of life chooses to do something not for others, but for what we think is fair for us regardless of what the OUTCOME may be.

But the question really is, in all of the unfairness in life, how do we make life fair not just for us, but for everyone else out there, who thinks the same? Life indeed is a mystery, because even us can’t determine such answer.