Grow up, Mom!


Ephesians 6:10 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”

Paul challenges the Ephesian church to stand firm in all their duties as believers, focusing on having the right mindset,actions and responses to the family of believers and our community.

Having to share about honoring Christ through honoring our parents at the start of the chapter seems to imply that sometimes it is just so hard to give honor to them.

One young man chatted with me through Facebook last night about his struggles with his parents. They just had one of those big fights again and he couldn’t bear the guilt and the frustrations after it. He even ranted for almost thirty minutes about his mom not understanding him and what he has been doing.

I knew in my heart that this kid wanted me to confirm his frustrations and will side with him on what he feels is correct and right. After awhile, he realized that I am not against or in anyone’s side. He slowly understood what needs to be done and decided pray for his parents.

The struggle of this young man was my struggle before and I don’t want him to make the same mistake as I did.

By any means and of no regard of age range, when we talk back and go against their wishes, it dishonors God as we disrespect them. This is not an implied truth but a plain, clear and cut to the heart reminder of Paul.

How many times have we hurt their feelings? Our sense of knowledge against their inadequacy is a sign that we are rebelling against them. Rebellion in the heart, even not showing it to them, is still rebellion.

We honor Christ by honoring their desires for us. In all the layers of hard talks, demands to excel and even to a point, nagging at us showcases three simple truths:

1.) They want what they believe is best for us – hard as it can be, they really do. The wisdom and advise (or sometimes, commands) our parents give is for our own good. This is to instill discipline in us. No matter how harsh the words was given or how strong their emotions are is the reality that they are doing this to make sure we are on the right path.

2.) When we talk back at them, it hurts them – often times we blurt out the famous words “you just don’t understand me…” statement that often leads to an argument. They do understand us, it’s just that when we reason out to them, they already know where this talk will lead. Our parents are there to guide us so that just in case they are gone, they no longer fear of what might happen to us.

3.) When we talk back, it hurts us more – the sense of guilt, shame and condemnation is the spirit’s indication that we did something wrong. The Holy Spirit will bring our consciousness back to what He says in the written word. To honor our parents is to respect them, and especially if we still live with them. The conscience in us will bring into light the hurts and pain we feel when we fought back but also the remorse and sin that grieves God by disobeying the command of Ephesians 6:1-3.

My greatest struggle came when my parents decided to separate. My twin brother and I just got home from an event and found out that all our plates and glasses are broken and they were fighting (again). It was our decision to let them part ways because we felt at that time that there was no use in living in a place where fights are the new norm.

Looking back at what happened then made me realize that out of our own wisdom, we thought that was the right and mature counsel we can give them. Sad to say,it wasn’t the wisest decision at all. It led to a lot complications that the four of us siblings are experiencing until now.

We no longer dwell on our past mistakes but we do, for the longest time, are praying for divine intervention. I’m praying for my father and younger brother to come back to the Lord. This was one of the consequences of the decision we’ve made. I am starting to pray for my parents to get back together and a lot of other things.

Anyway, back to the topic….

Why share it here? Because you probably feel that we are more mature and wiser than our parents, but we are not. There are things that they have experienced in life that we haven’t experience yet. Their advice comes from the hard decisions in their struggles in life and the result it brought to them. Our decisions and argument sometimes comes from the convenience we want to get or to a point, as a way of escape of disobeying them. We reason out because know we were caught in the act.

How then should we respond? How do we show love to them? How can we stay silent when all hell breaks loose?

We start to love them as who they are. To love them is to honor them. And the best way to do it is to respect their decisions for us. Doing this not on our own accord but only through His strength (relating to the gift of grace which gives us the supernatural capacity) to pray for our enemies if we see them as one.

We start by praying for them. We hide in our prayer closet and ask God to change them and in the end, God changes how we sees them. They are also broken vessels that needs our love and acceptance. We P.U.S.H. until we no longer sees them as an enemy but as our love ones.

We honor them by saying “yes”. We often feel that every command needs a rebuttal but looking at it, almost 90% of the time, we feel guilty on why we did what we did. It will be hard at the start but in the long rung, you will see the fruit of your labor.

How is your relationship with your parents? Please do share your own experiences and hopefully, someone out there probably had the same struggles we can help them out with.

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